When you think of trauma, what comes to mind? Often we think of Big ‘T’ traumas – events like sexual or physical abuse, murder, combat, catastrophic accidents, and natural disasters.

What about the following scenarios? Do you consider these traumas or just ‘normal’ life events?
>A break up or life situation where you feel significantly rejected or abandoned.
>Being criticized (ie. told you were stupid or not good enough) repeatedly in childhood.
>Not being allowed to express emotions or ask questions as a child.
>Being made to feel guilty or ashamed repeatedly. (ie. told it was your fault or you were the problem).
>Being bullied or harassed.
>Experiencing financial hardship.
>Experiencing the divorce of your parents or your own divorce.
>Relocation.

Trauma can be any situation that causes a shock to the system – a perceived or direct threat or unexpected adverse situation for example. Another way to think of it is as an event that overwhelms our capacity to cope in that moment.

While it depends on each individual’s internal representation of the event, science has discovered that these Little ‘t’ traumas can actually be just as harmful to the brain and body and the Big ‘T’ traumas.

We tend to normalize these situations as common life experiences, however, consider how many of these events accumulate throughout one’s life – how they have accumulated in yours. Contemplate how many of them took place as a child, when we are often not well equipped to effectively process them.

It certainly wasn’t modeled effectively to me how to deal with all of life’s little traumas. I was taught to be seen, not heard, to not cry (or I’d be given something to really cry about), to be a good girl and do what I was told. This paved the way for people pleasing, lack of boundaries, and very poor emotional skills, with a lot of pent up rage, anger, sadness, grief, and indoctrinated guilt and shame.

Numerous studies have shown that the big and seemingly little traumas that happen in childhood – referred to as Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) – disrupt healthy neurodevelopment, increase our risk for certain diseases, and are linked to chronic health conditions.*

When we aren’t taught to process these events throughout our lives, they become unresolved trauma that builds up in our system, wreaking havoc in our lives in a number of ways.

The degree to which unresolved trauma is affecting one’s life into adulthood depends on several factors, including past experiences, beliefs and social/religious conditioning, values, expectations and perceptions, stress/distress tolerance, and an individual’s ability to process life experiences in a healthy way (ie. healthy emotional processing skills).

We are doing ourselves a huge dis-service when we minimalize the ‘Little t’ traumas and rationalize them as ‘normal’. This leads to maladaptive coping skills – physically, mentally, and emotionally – and can also ‘lock in’ these unhealthy stress response patterns in our body. While each on its own may seem insignificant – think of each event as a little pebble, when you take into account every little situation, it can end up being a mountain of trauma weighing you down.

Unresolved trauma doesn’t simply go away. It becomes lodged in the body. It disrupts the balance of the nervous system and function of our brain. It overwhelms the body’s ability to be in a balanced, healing state and it blocks our growth, health, and happiness.

How Trauma Shows Up

• Chronic Illness
• Anxiety / Worry / Always on High Alert / Jumpy
• Depression / Numbness or Disconnection from Feelings
• Continually Replaying an Event in Your Mind
• Irritability / Reactivity
• Violence / Anger / Rage
• Addictions
• Eating Disorders
• Avoidance
• Unhealthy Relationships

Physically, Trauma Can Effect:

• Immune System Function
• Blood Pressure
• Adrenal Health / Cortisol and Stress Hormone Balance
• Gut Function: Digestion, Absorption
• Quality of Sleep
• Energy Levels
• Nervous System Function
• Muscle Tension
• Genetic Expression
• Mental Health / Brain Function and Brain Health
• Emotional Health

On the Other Side of Your Trauma is Freedom

Working through and healing my own Big ‘T’ and Little ‘t’ traumas has lifted the weight that held me down much of my life. It has dissolved the depression, released the anxiety, and freed me from physical pain. It has brought me clarity and purpose, expanded my outlook, and has opened my heart to deeper love and joy than I ever thought possible.

By recognizing that our traumas are opportunities for learning, growth and personal evolution, and working with them as such, there is great freedom, peace, health, and happiness when you emerge on the other side.

The Way Out is Through

I invite you to be honest with yourself. Just how many Little ‘t’ and Big ‘T’ traumas are showing up in your life right now? What is this costing you in terms of your health and happiness – in your career, in your relationships, with your family, and in your physical, mental, and emotional well-being?

I’ve seen too many women – myself included – suffer for way too long (and get surgeries I believe could have been avoided). We think we have to hold it all together, put on the happy face for our friends and family. We pretend, with others and ourselves, that everything ‘isn’t too bad’. We slip into patterns of perfectionism, judgment, and self criticism. We try to rationalize the grief, anger, depression, and anxiety as part of the deal, relying on unhealthy habits such as addictions to food, alcohol, or drugs (including pharmaceuticals!) to numb the pain or avoid facing the reality of the situation. But the price of denial or avoidance is high – very high.

It can seem overwhelming and too hard to face. But, as those of us who have taken this journey will attest to, it is a journey well worth taking.

True healing comes from facing and releasing our traumas big and small from our body and mind, as well as learning how to effectively process emotions moving forward. Through awareness, acceptance, self love, forgiveness, and understanding (gaining a higher perspective of the events), we resolve the trauma as our body feels safe to finally let it go. By learning to process our emotions in a healthy way, we experience more freedom and clarity, and we come home to our natural state of joy and well-being. And as layer after layer is peeled away, more of your true radiance shines through and you’ll wonder why you ever waited so long.

So, will I see you on ‘the other side’?

• References

1. CDC-Kaiser ACE Study (https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/aces/about.html)
2. Relationship of Childhood Abuse and Household Dysfunction to Many of the Leading Causes of Death in Adults (https://www.ajpmonline.org/article/S0749-3797(98)00017-8/abstract)
3. Past trauma may haunt your future health. Adverse childhood experiences, in particular, are linked to chronic health conditions. (https://www.health.harvard.edu/diseases-and-conditions/past-trauma-may-haunt-your-future-health)